CONFESSIONS OF A RECOVERING SHOPAHOLIC (PLUS, A FREE GUIDED MEDITATION)
Yes, me. The girl who is always preaching that you don’t need anything outside of yourself. Sharing my lessons on how material things won’t make you feel enough in the long run, it’s an inside job.
I know that now. BUT just because I know it doesn't mean I do it. I love design. I love accessories, I love clothes, I love stuff!
I know that’s not a surprise, since I’m a stylist and former fashion editor, but I feel like I need to lay it out here for you. I don’t want you thinking I have this superpower of not wanting more than I need.
MY BIGGEST ISSUE.
They say you teach what you struggle with the most. I have spent almost my entire self-improvement journey chipping away at this deep limiting belief that I’ll never have enough. And a big part of that is having enough money.
From a very young age I’ve been deeply attracted to beautifully designed things. I talked more about this and my time at ELLE here.
It makes sense that I ended up at a fashion magazine, because I just wanted to be around beautiful things that I couldn’t afford. The feeling was so strong that I wanted more than just owning them, I wanted to study them.
The time I spent in the fashion industry was full of lessons. It exacerbated my need and desire to have more to the point that I hit rock bottom (a blessing in hindsight). I knew I had to find another way to deal with this desperation because even at the height of having and owning lots of beautiful things I never imagined I’d possess, I still needed more.
It was like a binge or at least the closest to what I imagine a binge is. Frantically shopping, feeling amazing after and then waking up the next day with that same insatiable need to own something new.
BEATING MYSELF UP.
At this point I was doing enough inner work to know this wasn’t how I wanted to live. I knew more money wasn’t the answer even though my ego was like, “that IS the answer”.
I’d beat myself up for being so shallow and so consumed with things. My heart wanted to want less but my mind was telling me that having more would make me feel better.
I was also living and working in an industry that focuses solely on more is more is more. It’s like being an alcoholic and working at a bar, it was a struggle city to say the least.
THE ANSWER IS INSIDE.
Thankfully I had discovered meditation and was diving deep into self love. I wanted so badly to love myself right where I was. I wanted to see my situation as the amazing privilege it was, but your mind doesn’t always work like that.
NO matter how grateful and abundant you are, that ego mind can find ways to show you otherwise.
So I started using my meditation practice to help me see a better way. When I felt that familiar need to own things (aka fill some type of hole), I would meditate.
That would lead to the next right action of journaling or writing down a list of things I was thankful for and slowly (not always quickly) it would turn around.
I could see another way. I could see that it was never about the clothes or the shoes or the bags. It was always about me not thinking I’m good enough, as I am.
CAN YOU RELATE?
After years of meditating, reading and journaling around this limiting belief, I’ve created my own meditations for when this comes up for me.
I recorded one for you here, because meditation has really helped me, as you know. So hit the button below and listen to the 4 MINUTE meditation instantly.
I don’t believe you need to meditate for 20 mins to get benefits. Try this for 4 minutes and I promise you will feel lighter and less attached to needing more stuff.
This is not your mama’s meditation.
All the love,