Renewed Purpose
Wow, here we are. At the beginning, once again. My beautiful baby boy Jackson is around 3 months old and while I’m nowhere near mastering any of this, I’m finally feeling more confident and secure in my role as a mother.
I’ve always had this idea that being a mother would change me. With Elizabeth, that was more true than anything I could have ever imagined. But that was my internal world changing more than my physical world. That’s what made it so painful. It felt like this moment I had been preparing for was stolen from me. I wanted more than anything to be Elizabeth’s mother here on earth. Now, I'm getting to experience that journey with Jackson. I’m feeling so much, all the time. And more than anything, I want to share my feelings, thoughts, experience, and unique perspective on life as someone who was unwillingly thrust into a journey through hell and is slowly finding her way back to the land of the living.
I feel a renewed sense of purpose, which might sound small, but if you knew where I’ve been, this optimistic (might I even say … hopeful) perspective on my life is huge. I feel like blogging is dead but for me, it’s the perfect fit right now. It’s a place where I can write a more intimate, long-form post outside of Instagram. I am also the kind of person who loves to go against the grain. I LOVE doing things that no one else is doing or no one thinks is important. I feel most comfortable writing. Time and time again, I come back to writing. It’s the best coping skill for me and I truly believe that re-committing myself to writing blogs is going to support my mental health, creativity, and mood.
Lastly, what I hope to achieve through these blog posts is connection. I’ve seen a small but mighty community grow on IG and I want to nurture that even more here. This is a space to tell stories and experiences that feel uniquely mine but have the power to unite us. I feel this change in myself. My need for approval is being overtaken by my need to share this wild life I’m living. The pain, grief, joy, breakthrough, and lessons I’m learning are not for nothing. Elizabeth’s time here on earth was short but her impact is everlasting. I want to make her life as meaningful as possible, and this is a start.
All my love,
jodi x