Things I'm Afraid To Tell You 2
Here we are again, truth telling. I said I wanted to make this theme of 'things I'm afraid to tell you' a continual one, even though it’s tough. I know how powerful it can be for me and for others reading to hear real honesty in this day and age where filters are everywhere, and I’m not just talking about the kind on Instagram.
It’s almost impossible not to filter yourself. I have to sit down and consciously think about my honest feelings, because my mind is so accustomed to automatically editing them to represent the image I think people want to see, uh!
This is an ongoing process, people! We aren’t perfect, nor should we strive to be. I think I learn more about myself when I am “failing” than any other time. Yes, it sucks and yes, I feel bad, but sometimes bad feelings are the feelings that move us forward and teach us exactly what we are here to learn. So here are more things I'm afraid to tell you...
IN THE SPIRIT OF TRANSPARENCY, HERE IT GOES. BOY, IT’S HARD TO HIT PUBLISH ON THIS ONE….
I cringe at the idea of seeing myself on video or hearing my voice
How insecure I am talking about my size on the website
How, after all these years, I am still attached to having a socially acceptable body size.
How I some days I hate my body, even though I know I should love it
Will I ever stop caring what other people think?
That as much as I know clothes, accessories and designer brands don’t mean anything, I still find myself feeling like they make me more worthy, and sad when I can’t afford them.
How I beat myself when I don’t finish a book, because sometimes I love starting books and but don’t always want to finish them. I feel like a failure and it’s just a book!
I hate to telling people I am engaged because everyone wants to talk about engagement rings and weddings and that’s just not my thing.
Ok, that feels like a lot. I hope this makes you feel less alone in your self-doubt, and you realize that we are all connected by our humanness more than we can ever imagine.
I encourage you to take the time to write down the things that make you afraid. Even if you don’t share them with others, writing them down and reading them back to yourself can release some of the power they hold. It’s in keeping it hidden that we give our fears power.
Always Polishing Up,